


Domestic Panto

by shayasar



Series: TW: Domestics [12]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:26:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayasar/pseuds/shayasar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin Hood, the twins, Jack, Ianto and a ventriloquist...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the 12th story in my "Domestics"-Universe. This one is set on 24. January 2015.
> 
> I just wanted to have the twins experience a panto, but being me, the story exploded and now became a relatively detailed recap of the panto "Robin Hood" I saw in January 2009 and again in 2010.
> 
> Fair warning: This is a WIP and probably one that will never be finished, but I wanted to post what I have nonetheless. There are a few pictures from the Panto in between the story so it will hopefully be a nice read even though it's not finished.

"Ianto, where the hell are you?" Jack shouted into his phone, trying to be louder than the two toddlers who were bouncing up and down in front of him.

"Sorry, Jack, Gwen had to rush home because Emma has developed a fever and Rhys didn't know what to do. I send Andres with her." Ianto grinned broadly as he heard Jack mutter under his breath before chiding their children to be quiet for a moment. "I phoned Miguel, but it will take him at least ten minutes to get to the Hub. Just go ahead, I'll catch up with you at the theatre."

"You're not going to bail out of this Ianto Harkness-Jones! Taking the kids to the Panto was your idea and you were the one hyping them up on the whole Robin Hood 'taking from the rich, giving to the poor' thing."

Ianto had a hard time to keep the laughter that was threatening to bubble up in his throat, down. Jack sounded downright in panic and Ianto could picture exactly what was going on at home. And right on cue he heard Josh chant "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Robin Hood" quickly joined by his sister, while an unnerved groan from Jack filtered through the phone.

It was true he had hyped the twins up. He had loved going to the Panto as a kid and was now more than happy to share this wonderful experience with his children. Jack had no idea what awaited him in the theatre. But it served him well; usually Jack was responsible for the two toddlers to go spare. Only fair to let him stew for a while.

"I'm not trying to bail out, Jack! I will be at the theatre in time. Just take the troubles and get a head start, maybe the walk to the theatre will tire them out. Or you just buy them something from the merchandise to keep them occupied."

"Daddy, can I have a bow like Robin?" Josh piped up and Ianto could practically see his little boy tugging at Jack's shirt, while looking at his dad with those big blue eyes. Jack could never resist that look.

"Me too, me too!" Unmistakably the voice of his little girl, who was undoubtedly pulling on Jack's shirt, too, now.

"Ianto!" Jack was practically whining.

"Yes Jack?" Ianto couldn't keep the chuckle in anymore, knowing how his partner was glaring at the phone, trying to figure out, what exactly was happening here.

"Get your a..."

"Jack!"

"Sorry. Get your lovely bottom over here now!"

"I'll meet you at the theatre."

"Ianto!"

"See you in twenty minutes." Ianto quickly ended the conversation before bursting out with laughter. This would teach Jack to wind up the kids each time before their weekly shopping trip to the supermarket only to find a reason to bail out of it at the last second. Allowedly, Ianto hadn't counted Emma getting ill in, but it served him well. Jack had to learn a lesson and taking the two squealing toddlers all the way from their house to the New Theatre would surely hit home.

For the next few minutes, he busied himself with clearing away the rubbish and putting the used coffee mugs into the sink. Glancing at his watch after finishing his task, Ianto grabbed his coat and slipped it on. Miguel would be here in a minute and he wanted to catch the next shuttle train to the city centre so he wouldn't have to walk all the way. Just on cue the cog door rolled open and Miguel strolled in with a grin on his face.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the Panto with Jack and the kids?"

"I'm heading there right now. Jack is already on his way with the troubles."

"On his own?" Miguel's grin got even broader.

"He is a grown man, I'm inclined to think he can handle two four-year-olds," Ianto replied seriously, but the smug grin on his face betrayed the seriousness of his voice.

"Yeah, right," Miguel chuckled. "Give my regards to Jack and the kids. Have fun!"

"Thanks. Call, if there's something major going on." Ianto patted his teammate on the back and hopped down the stairs to the cog door. A quick glance at his watch told him that he would manage to catch the next shuttle train if he got going now.

*

He was just climbing onto the platform after a quick jog through Mermaid Quay when the train rolled into the station. Paying the driver, he fell onto a seat and took a deep breath. Hopefully Jack had thought of taking the tickets from the fridge or they would never make it in time for the performance if they had to double back to get them.

Ianto settled deeper into his seat when the train jerked and made its way back into the city. He watched as the Lloyd-George-Avenue flew by and glanced quickly at their house, satisfied that all the lights were out. Jack and the gang were already on their way. By taking the train, Ianto would probably beat them and make it to the theatre first.

The trip took only a few minutes before the train reached Cardiff Queen Street station and Ianto stepped out on the platform, pulling his jacket closer around him as an icy wind tugged at it. This January was really cold; maybe they should take a cab after the performance. The kids would probably be very tired and the walk home would be a bit too long for them then. And it would be even colder that late in the evening.

Making his way through the still busy streets, Ianto smiled when he heard two high-pitched squeals after rounding the last corner to the New Theatre.

"Taddy!"

Ianto had just enough time to pull his hands from his pockets, before he found himself with an armful of squealing toddlers.

"Hey squirts, are you excited to see Robin Hood?"

"Yeaaah!!"

"Good." Ianto put the kids down again and smiled when both slipped their hands into one of his each. Looking up, he found Jack glaring at him. Presenting his partner with a broad smile, he stepped closer and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Hey honey, did you have a nice day?" Now laughing out loud at Jack's indignant expression after using one of the dreaded pet names, Ianto gave his lover another kiss. "I see you made it to the theatre with the troubles and you still alive. Congratulations."

"You brat! I should give you a nice spanking for leaving me alone with two hyperactive toddlers."

"Oh, now you're spoiling me. But it will have to wait until after the show." Giving Jack a smug grin, Ianto savoured the moment of triumph over his usually so flamboyant partner, who was gaping at him now.

"You are really a piece of work today!" Finally chuckling, Jack quickly followed his lover, sweeping Katie up on his arm in the process so he could snake the other around Ianto's waist. "But don't think this is over yet."

"Well, I think it is. Maybe you’ll remember this the next time you tell the twins about the new chocolate flavour or the Matchbox cars on sale before we go to the supermarket."

"There is a new chocolate flavour?" Katie piped up, looking excitedly at Ianto.

"No squirt, it was just an example to explain something to your dad."

"Oh."

"But the Matchbox cars are on sale, right Tad?" Blue eyes were looking up hopefully at Ianto, forcing a deep sigh out of him.

"Sorry baby, no Matchbox cars."

"Oh."

Jack swallowed hard when he saw the disappointed faces of his kids. He knew he was giving Ianto a hard time with winding up the kids and he guessed he just got the payback. "Point taken."

"Good."

"But can I have a bow?" Josh asked carefully.

Jack wondered how Ianto did it. The kids had been jumping around and driving him mad before his lover had shown up and now they were both behaving and the perfect picture of well raised children, asking politely instead of shouting and pointing at what they wanted.

"We'll see if Robin can spare one of his bows, okay?"

"Cool!"

Frowning, Ianto looked down at the little boy now hopping happily along next to him. "Where did you learn that word?"

"Gwion uses it all the time." Josh stopped hopping and looked unsure up to his Tad, afraid of having said the wrong thing.

"Who is Gwion?"

"He's Josh's friend from school," Katie piped up. "He has a lot of cool words."

"Has he now?" Ianto had to fight the smile that threatened to steal its way to his face. He had expected that the twins would bring new words home from school, but he didn't expect it to happen so quickly. They had started Reception only two weeks ago. "Well I hope cool words are not his only specialty."

"No, he always has brownies in his lunch bag," Josh explained with a serious face. "And we play LEGO’s together. We built an entire fortress with spaceships and dragons yesterday."

"Wow, maybe we should have him come over one afternoon?" Ianto smiled down at his little boy.

"Really?"

"Sure."

"Cool!"

Laughing, Ianto ruffled through the boy’s hair before taking his hand again.

"Can Mari come over too?" Katie asked, her eyes big and her lip already trembling. Tell tale signs of a tantrum.

"Sure, sweetie. Is that your new friend from school?" Jack quickly stepped in and shifted the little girl higher up his hip.

"Yes, we made a big picture with finger paints yesterday. Miss Morgan said, I'm a very good painter."

"You are, angel." Pressing a kiss to his daughters head, Jack turned to look at his partner and smiled. They didn't have to say it loud, they both thought the same thing: The kids were growing up too quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

When they finally stepped into the theatre, both kids fell silent and looked around with big eyes. They had never been to a theatre before and there were quite a lot of people already mingling in the small foyer. The sound intensity of the people talking and kids shouting was almost deafening and Josh stepped closer to Ianto, clasping his hand in the fabric of his father's trousers. 

Sensing that the boy was afraid, Ianto quickly lifted him on his arm. The stubby arms came around his neck instantly and Josh hid his face in his Tad's shoulder. 

"Hey, it's okay, baby." Prying the boy's arms from his neck, Ianto managed to get Josh to look up again. "It's a bit loud, but nothing to be afraid of. I've told you about all the people who want to see Robin, remember?" When the boy nodded, Ianto turned a bit and pointed at a poster on the wall. "Look, there he his, the hero who takes from the rich and gives to the poor." Smiling when Josh's eyes followed his finger, he saw the same admiration and wonder in them, he was sure his Tad had seen in Ianto's eyes when he had seen Robin Hood for the first time as a toddler. 

"He sure looks hot in those tights," Jack threw in and earned himself an eye roll from Ianto. 

"You think everyone is hot." 

"No, that strange looking lady there on the poster is definitely not hot. She looks like a guy in drag!" 

Quickly swallowing the laughter that bubbled up in his throat, Ianto turned his face away from Jack, so the older man wouldn't see his grin. "Oh look, there is the merchandise booth. Let's see if Robin has some spare bows." Striding through the crowd without waiting for Jack, Ianto took a few deep breaths to get his urge to laugh under control. No, Jack knew nothing about Panto. This was going to be a very interesting evening. 

"There is a bow, Tad! Can I have it?" Josh had looked over the presented merchandise and finally found what he was looking for: A small bow with arrows. 

"Can I have the crown?" Katie's excited voice sounded over the constant noise of talking people. She was pointing with her stubby fingers at a sparkling crown with blinking LEDs and wriggled on Jack's arm to get closer to it. 

"Easy princess, stay still and we will see if Lady Marian can spare one of her crowns for you," Ianto chuckled and grinned at Jack. "Come on dad, can we have a bow and a crown?" 

"Oh, now I have to pay?" 

"I bought the tickets. Your turn," Ianto smiled smugly at his lover. 

"Do you want a crown or a bow then? I think the crown really accentuates your eyes." Smiling equally smugly back at Ianto, Jack pulled his wallet from his pocket. 

"Don't you dare." Chuckling, Ianto shifted Josh a bit on his hip so he could wriggle his finger in front of Jack's face. "If anything, you can buy yourself some tights. I think they really accentuate your lovely bottom." 

"Good idea." Grinning broadly, Jack turned to the counter and waved the lady over to place his order. To Ianto's relief, he just bought the bow and the crown for the twins. "Here you go squirts." Handing the items over, Jack used the time to press a quick kiss to Ianto's lips and sending them both to their happy place with the next statement. "I think I have something better for you later on." 

"Thank you daddy!" The two voice chorus of their kids brought the two men back to the present. Ianto both cursed and loved Jack for still being able to throw him off balance with a single kiss and short comment. 

"Okay, shall we go inside then?" Jack had spotted the doors to the auditorium being opened and ushered his small family over. 

"Do you have the tickets?" 

"What do you think?" 

"Do I really have to answer that?" 

"Of course, I have the tickets Ianto. I'm not that stupid." 

"Sorry, it's just my Tad forgot them once and we missed the first half of the performance." 

"I couldn't have forgotten them after our lovely children asked me every two minutes if I had them in my pocket." Jack glanced at Ianto. "You don't happen to know anything about that, do you?" 

"I may have mentioned that the tickets are important..." Smiling sheepishly at his partner, Ianto let himself being pushed forward by the crowd. He was just glad they were carrying the kids; they would have been thrown around by all the mindless people. 

"You are really a piece... Yanyo!" 

"Oh stop it." 

"Can I call you Yanyo, Tad?" Katie cut in their banter, her crown tightly in her hands. 

"No, sweetie." 

"Why not?" 

"Because daddy only uses that name to annoy me and that is not nice." 

"It's not nice to be mean, daddy!" Katie looked at her father reproachfully. 

"You should apologize to Tad," Josh stated matter-of-factly and mirrored Katie's look. 

Jack gaped disbelievingly at his children and finally at Ianto who wore the biggest smug smile the world had ever seen. 

"You heard them, Jack." 

"Oh, you are so gonna get it tonight..." Catching himself just in time, Jack bit back any other comment that sprang to mind and put a sweet smile on his face. "I apologize, honey." 

Muttering under his breath, Ianto glared at Jack. He couldn't say anything against the term, because he had used it on Jack earlier and the kids would make him apologize as well if he admitted that honey was from the same school as Yanyo. 

"Are you coming? Honey?" Jack added sweetly and sauntered through the door into the auditorium, handing their tickets to the lady who was checking them. The woman was not hiding her smile, when Ianto put a sour smile on his face and followed Jack. 

“Sure sweetheart.”

Luckily both kids were too busy to absorb the huge theatre to notice the slightly sour banter playing on between their fathers. When Ianto watched as Jack led them through the rows, glancing at the tickets to find their seats, a sudden urge to laugh bubbled up in him. They only used the pet names to annoy the other and it worked every time. It was like a running gag between them, only it always took a moment for them to see it as a joke.

Anyway, he would not let this destroy the good time he was looking forward to and so he gave Jack a genuine smile when the older man turned around once they'd reached their row. 

"Second row? Nice job, Ianto." Jack seemed to have settled his mind as well, as he was now beaming his usual smile at his lover while swaying their daughter playfully back and forth on his arm. 

"I try to please," Ianto retorted and stuck out his tongue, having Katie in giggles in no time. 

"Tad, you stuck your tongue out!" She squealed delighted and stuck her tongue out as well. 

"Hey little lady, I don't think you have a reason to do that as well," Jack teased and started to tickle his little girl. 

"Where is Robin?" Josh suddenly whispered shyly in Ianto's ear. 

"He will come out in a few minutes, all the people have to sit first." Ianto explained and ruffled the boy lovingly through the hair. 

"Can we sit down then?" 

"Sure. You are really looking forward to seeing Robin, aren't you?" Smiling at the beaming young face, Ianto pressed a kiss to Josh's forehead before slapping Jack on the ass. "Hey you two, get moving. We don't want to miss the start of the show." Ushering Jack forward to their seats, both men uttered excuses in all directions when they had to pass several people who were already sitting. They had seats right smack in the middle and Jack turned around to place a kiss on Ianto's mouth. 

"Thank you," the older man smiled and put Katie down. 

"For what?" Ianto looked surprised at his partner. 

"For giving us this family event." 

Ianto's smile only got wider and he pulled Jack with his free hand closer for another kiss. Jack was right; it was rare that they had time for a family event with all of them together. Torchwood didn't allow for that very often, although the team tried to give each other as much free time with their respective families as possible. 

"Taaad," Josh's whining voice reminded the two men where they were and they broke apart. "We need to sit down, so Robin will come out!" The boy was still sitting on Ianto's hip and was now looking reproachfully at his parents. 

"Sorry squirt, you're right. So, how do you wanna sit? You two in the middle and dad and me at your sides?" When the kids nodded, Ianto put Josh down and helped the boy to slip out of his jacket. 

Jack was doing the same with Katie and soon the toddlers climbed onto their seats and looked around excitedly. Josh grabbed Ianto's hand and pulled his Tad down on the seat next to him, his other hand tightly wrapped around the bow. Smiling at Jack, Ianto watched when his lover sat down next to Katie, taking the crown from the girl to switch on the blinking LEDs and putting it on her head. 

"Now, that's what I call a sparkling princess," the Captain smiled at his daughter before shrugging his greatcoat off. "Now, are you excited to see Robin?" Jack laughed when the girl nodded fiercely and the crown bobbed up and down on her head. "I'm sure he will come out in a few minutes."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a few pictures to give you a better impression of the panto. Please ignore the fact that Robin looks like Jack for some unknown reasons :P The pictures are courtesy of the wonderful absdax who allowed me to use them (thank you hun!) and the Hippodrome's official site.

Right on cue the curtain which had only been showing the words "Robin Hood" until then was used as a screen and four pictures of former Robin Hood actors appeared. Josh inhaled excitedly and even Ianto's eyes grew wider, when he recognized Kevin Costner and Sean Connery's son in their respective roles as Robin. The images changed places every once in a while and the Welshman felt the familiar excitement of sitting in a pantomime tickle in his belly. 

"Erol Flynn is missing," Jack muttered. 

"Oh yes, the Robin Hood for the older generation," Ianto teased and chuckled when Jack shot him a look, but he had no chance to say anything as the lights went out and the pictures on the curtain rotated faster, finally revealing yet another Robin Hood. "See, there you have your man in tights," Ianto whispered, grinning. 

Then the music started and the audience began to cheer, prompting Josh to grip Ianto's hand even tighter, but the little boy was looking at the stage, his eyes hefted on the fog that slowly flooded over the edge and into the audience. 

Ianto blinked a few times and waved with his free hand in front of Josh and himself to get rid of the fog when a man was raised up onto the stage with his back to the audience. The cheering got even louder and Ianto was sure that this had to be the actor who played Robin Hood. 

'Nice ass,' he thought and glanced at Jack who was also appreciating the view in front of him and just whispered out a "Hello..."

Ianto chuckled to himself. He knew Jack would like the lead actor of this Panto. He was a quite popular TV star named John Barryman or something. When the man spun around, the cheering got even louder and Ianto found himself cheering along with all the others, feeling his inner child fight its way to the foreground. And for once he let it come out. 

When Robin started to sing, Ianto decided that the guy wasn’t just good looking; he had a fantastic voice as well. It almost rivalled Jack’s when his partner decided to sing, which was rare, but always appreciated by Ianto.

Robin addressed the audience and especially the children right from the start and asked if they would help him to fight evil. Ianto chuckled when he looked at Josh and saw his little boy nod fiercely, his eyes glued to the man on stage.

Then the curtain rose and revealed a huge town set and Robin’s Merry Men who were quickly introduced by Robin before they all started singing and dancing. 

Josh had let go of Ianto’s hand and was clapping excitedly to the rhythm of the song. Katie was equally excited and hopped up and down on her seat, only Jack’s hand saving her from slipping over the edge of it.

Ianto knew he was looking at the show in front of him with the same awe as his children, but he didn't care. This was something from his childhood, a long forgotten memory and he would enjoy every minute of it. A quick side glance to Jack told him that Jack was enjoying himself as well, but his attention was quickly drawn back to the stage when Robin ended his first song. 

Little John had entered the stage to tell Robin they had caught a coach driving through the forest. Robin ordered his men to bring the coach and when opening the door found himself eye to eye with Lady Marian.

Laughing at the banter between Robin and Marian, Ianto sort of saw a similarity to the banter between him and Jack. In fact, that Robin character had a lot of the flirty-ness Jack always had going for himself. But Marian was quite a match for him, giving back as good as she got. 

Ianto was just in the process of whispering something in Jack’s direction after the actors had cleared the stage, when a guy, clad in red clothes with a puppet on his back, drove on a miniature motorcycle from one side of the stage to the other. There was a loud crash after he disappeared on the right side and Josh looked at his Tad worriedly. 

"Is the man alright?" 

"See for yourself," Ianto smiled back and indicated to the stage where the man in red was just running back on, shouting a loud hello. Automatically, Ianto answered and smiled when Josh looked at him with big eyes. "It's okay Josh, I told you, you can shout and talk during the play, remember?" 

The man on stage was just introducing himself as Will Scarlett and asked if the audience was willing to become part of Robin's Merry Men. Encouraging his son, Ianto shouted his consent along with everybody else. Even Jack seemed to have gotten into the swing of things and was shouting as well. 

"Now, what I would love you to do is to answer me with 'Hi Will' every time I shout 'Hi team'. Will you do that for me?" 

Ianto and Jack were cheering and agreeing loudly while for some reason the rest of the audience was almost silent. The actor looked down at the two men and grinned. 

"Well, at least two of you..." Will said and had the audience including the Harkness-Jones family in stitches. "Now come on! Hi team!" 

The resulting "Hi Will" was almost deafening, but the man was still not satisfied and shouted again "Hi team!" 

The chorus answering him now seemed to be enough and he encouraged everyone to cheer very loudly. He then separated the audience in two halves and asked first the right, then the left side, to cheer loudly. 

One glance at his kids and Jack told Ianto that his idea of going to a pantomime had been perfect. Josh and Katie were as carefree as ever, but even Jack seemed to have lost, at least for now, the always present dark brooding side of him. He had jumped at the opportunity to forget everything, even if it was just for a few hours and clapped and shouted happily as everybody else. 

The Captain must have sensed Ianto's thoughts as he turned his head and presented his partner with a beaming smile while cheering loudly when Will asked the right side of the audience to do so. 

"No, no, something isn't right here," the man on stage then said with a frown and pointed at Jack's side of the audience. "If only the first five rows of this side would cheer, please." When the audience complied, Will shook his head. Ianto began to suspect something, but he was biting his tongue to keep himself from laughing. His suspicion was confirmed when Will narrowed his search down to the first two rows and then to five people in the second row, including Jack. In the end, Will singled Jack out and had him cheer all by himself and almost send Ianto into a laughing fit with it. 

"Now sir, what is your name?" Will asked with a twinkle in his eyes, obviously realizing Ianto and the twins belonged to Jack rather than the blond woman sitting next to his lover. 

"Jack." 

“Hello Jack. Could you tell us all where you’re from and who is with you to see the Panto?”

“I’m from Cardiff and I’m here with my partner and our two kids.”

"Well Jack from Cardiff. I'm glad you came to see the Panto. Now sit back and enjoy the show. This will be a unique experience for you as you will be heavily involved." Will smiled suggestively at Jack and had the audience laughing even harder. Josh and Katie were clapping their hands excitedly as it was their dad who had been picked out by a friend of Robin Hood. 

Ianto just grinned. Having been to many Pantos as a kid, he had an idea that Will would take the mickey out of Jack before this show was over. But Jack wouldn't be Jack if he wouldn't present the man on stage with his most dazzling smile, which had poor Will swallowing for a second there. Ianto didn't know if he should feel sorry for the man as he would be at the receiving end of the full Harkness charm for the rest of the show. 

However, the actor was a professional and quickly went on with the show, asking the audience to shout for his friend Sam who was currently asleep after the accident with the motorcycle. 

"If you could all shout 'Wake up, Sam' really loud, I'm sure I can get him on stage," Will said with a grin and made his way to the right side of the stage. 

Ianto looked down at Josh and saw the little boy watching in amazement as the man on stage came back with a small stool and a puppet that looked excitedly around now. The Welshman had read that a ventriloquist would be part of the show, but he hadn't known that Will would be that man. He was curious how the twins would react to a puppet that was supposedly talking on its own. He didn't have to wait long. 

"Look, look, look! A lot of good looking people here!" The puppet said and Ianto was impressed with the ventriloquist's skills. You couldn't see his mouth moving even if looking really hard. And the man was switching between the puppet talking and himself talking so quickly that it gave the impression the puppet was really talking on its own. Ianto quickly glanced down at his kids and chuckled when they were both staring in astonishment at the puppet. 

"Yes, a lot of good looking people here, Sam," Will agreed and smiled at Ianto, while moving the puppets head so it was looking at Jack. 

"And some ugly people..." Sam added. 

"What?" Will looked embarrassed. 

"Look, look, look!" Sam was now clearly looking at Jack and Will made sure with the movements of the puppet that the audience knew it as well. "He is UGLY!" 

Ianto couldn't help himself, one side glance at Jack's shocked face was enough to send him over the edge and he almost fell from his seat, laughing so hard. 

"Sam! Don't tell him, he's ugly!" Will instantly chided the puppet and gave Jack an apologetic smile. 

"Why not, does he not know?" 

"Sam!" 

The audience was crying with laughter now and Jack looked from Will to the puppet and finally to his partner, only to find Ianto laughing along with everybody else, actual tears streaming down his face. When he lowered his glance down to his children, he found them both staring open mouthed at the puppet, obviously shocked that somebody dared to say their father was ugly. Feeling a rush of pride and satisfaction, Jack finally started to join in the laughter, showing the kids that it was okay and they could laugh as well. 

"Say you're sorry!" Will tried to get the situation back under control and looked sternly at the puppet. 

"What?" Sam obviously didn't agree with his master. 

"Say you're sorry!" 

"Why?" 

"Sam, say you're sorry!" 

"Okay, okay!" The puppet turned to face Jack and had the audience in hysterics again by saying: "I'm sorry, you're ugly... Jack." 

"Come on Sam, he is not that ugly." 

"Alright, he is not the ugliest man in the world. But if that man dies..." 

Ianto didn't think he could take any more of this; he had a hard time breathing as it was, but Sam wasn't finished yet. 

"Let me try the acoustics of this building," the puppet changed the topic and a moment later the word 'hello' sounded repeatedly through the auditorium, followed by the words 'echo' and a moment later 'ugly'. The audience cracked up at this and so did the puppet. Will was smiling at Ianto and moving Sam's head so the puppet was looking at Jack again. 

"Look, ugly didn't get it," Sam shouted. "He didn't get the joke, he didn't get it!" Following was a sound like 'nnnrrrrooooooong' while Will waved the puppet's hand over its head and had Ianto keeling over.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to be as accurate as possible with the panto, but I'm afraid I had to do a bit of re-ordering of scenes cause I couldn't remember the exact order anymore :)
> 
> I added a few pictures to give you a better impression of the panto. Please ignore the fact that Robin looks like Jack for some unknown reasons :P The pictures are courtesy of the wonderful absdax who allowed me to use them (thank you hun!) and the Hippodrome's official site.

When the audience’s laughter died out a bit, Sam looked at Jack again, but turned to Will who had been pushing Sam’s feet back up his leg several times now. 

“Stop touching my feet!” Sam growled at Will and had the audience in stitches as it was obvious this part didn’t belong to the usual routine.

“Sorry!” Will was laughing himself now, but Sam turned back to Jack.

“Jack, have you been drinking tonight?” 

Jack frowned and glanced at Ianto who only shrugged. “No,” he replied finally. 

“Then why the hell are you talking to a puppet?” 

The next wave of laughter was about to crash onto the stage when Robin suddenly ran on. 

“Hey Will! We have caught a coach and Lady Marian was…” Robin stopped and looked around, obviously confused. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m recruiting new men for our team!” 

“New men are always good,” Robin grinned and winked towards the audience. 

Now, this was definitely more the actor talking and not Robin, Ianto thought and chuckled. Jack seemed to have picked up on it as well, as he was roaring with laughter and now rather obviously beaming a flirty smile at Robin. 

“Watch this…. Hi team!” Will pretended not to have heard the comment and shouted towards the audience. 

“Hi Will!” The audience’s response came immediately and in a deafening sound intensity. 

“Wow!” Robin was obviously impressed and smiled at the audience, his gaze stopping at Josh and Katie who looked at him in complete awe. “Can I try it?” 

“Sure.” Will smiled and Sam nodded fiercely. 

“Hi team!” Still looking at the twins, Robin shouted out the now well known phrase. 

When both kids shouted back fervently “Hi Robin” with every one else and earned a smile from their hero, Ianto and Jack shared a quick glance, silently agreeing on thanking the cast later on for making the Panto such a unique experience for their kids. 

“Wow!” Robin seemed to be even more impressed. “Good work, Will. But now come on, we need to go back to the camp.” Giving Will a friendly slap on the arm, Robin ran off the stage again. 

Will was just about to follow, when Marian entered from the other side, calling out for him. 

“Hello! Are you one of Robin Hood’s men?” She walked over to him, an open smile on her face. 

Will had to swallow hard when he looked at her; he obviously liked what he saw. And so did Sam, who was eyeing her up from top to bottom. 

“Yes, yes. My name is Will Scarlett,” Will finally stuttered out. 

“You’re pretty!” Sam had no qualms about talking facts and was instantly chided by Will while Marian giggled. 

“Thank you.” Marian looked at the puppet and then back at Will. “I'm Lady Marian and I need to get a message to Robin. Can you help me?” 

“Sure.” Will smiled winningly, holding the puppet slightly out of reach. 

“Good, please tell Robin the Sheriff has planned to catch him. He even put a prize on his head.” 

At that moment a man in black clothes, obviously the just mentioned Sheriff of Nottingham entered the stage from the rear and had the audience booing in no time. Will and Lady Marian however seemed to be oblivious to the shouting and were still talking about how to save Robin. 

Ianto had started to boo as well and looked down at Josh, who wasn’t really getting what was going on. A glance at Katie told him, the girl did not understand it as well. Bending down quickly, he caught the attention of his kids. 

“The man in black is the Sheriff of Nottingham. He is the bad guy and wants to hurt Robin so we have to boo at him and try to warn the good guys. Can you help me with that?” Smiling when both kids nodded seriously, Ianto sat back up and started to boo even louder, chuckling when his kids were now game as well and even started to shout “He’s behind you!”. 

But it was to no avail. The Sheriff managed to walk up to Will and Marian and grab them both. 

“Now, what do we have here?” The actor’s voice was really deep and kind of menacing and therefore very appropriate for the bad guy in Ianto's book. 

Will and Marian managed to look quite shocked and tried to get away, but the Sheriff called his guards forward and had them transport Marian off to the castle. Will however was trying to talk himself out of the situation and actually managed to get a few steps away. 

"Sorry, I have to go now. You see, I have to tell Robin about this and..." 

"Grab him!" The Sheriff interrupted and laughed an evil laugh when his guards took hold of Will, having Josh actually shiver next to Ianto. 

"Let him go! You're evil!" Katie shouted and pointed at the Sheriff, who just smiled at her. 

"Thank you!" 

Ianto had to suppress a chuckle when he saw his little girl gape disbelievingly at the man on stage and then turn to Jack. "Daddy, that man is mean!" Katie being Jack's daughter wasn't whispering but speaking in a loud and clear voice, having the audience laughing while the men on stage had to hide their smiles. 

"I'm sure Robin will do something about it, just wait and see," Jack tried to calm his daughter down, glancing apologetically towards the stage. 

"Throw him into the dungeon," the Sheriff ordered quickly to get the show back on track and watched when his two guards dragged a struggling Will with them. 

“Use the bugle!” Sam suddenly shouted. 

“Right!” Thankful for the idea, Will managed to get his hand free. Pulling the bugle from his pocket he blew into it. When nothing happened Sam urged him on to do it again and Will complied, only when he took the bugle away from his mouth this time the signal was still sounding loud and clear so he quickly pretended to blow into it again, causing the audience to crack up. 

The signal was obviously designed to call for help, because a moment later Robin and his men jumped onto the stage from every side and a big sword fighting scene ensued. 

Ianto glanced at Josh from the corner of his eye and smiled when he found the little boy looking mesmerized at the show in front of him. Katie however had climbed onto Jack’s lap, half hiding her face and half looking at the happenings on stage. 

“Daddy, I don’t want the evil man to hurt Robin!” 

Jack closed his arms around his little girl and shifted her a bit on his lap. “Don’t worry princess, Robin is the good guy and he will win the fight. Look, he and his team have already knocked out all the Sheriff’s men.” 

Quickly turning her head, Katie watched in awe how Robin just disarmed the Sheriff and had him fleeing the stage. 

“Yes!” Josh shouted excitedly, pushing a fist into the air, catching Robin’s attention who winked at him shortly before they started to sing another song. “Tad, he winked at me, did you see that?” Josh was completely hyper now and bobbed up and down on his seat while clapping along to the song. 

“Yes squirt, I saw. I think he likes you.” Ianto ruffled through the boy’s hair and smiled. 

“Really?” Josh looked at his father disbelievingly before turning his gaze to the stage again just in time to catch Robin winking at him once more. 

Ianto chuckled when his little boy forgot clapping his hands and just stared at the stage and Robin in particular, his mouth wide open. He had thought about going to the stage door after the show, but had dismissed it as it would get too late for the kids. But now he couldn’t rip Josh of the opportunity to meet his hero. 

When Ianto's glance wandered over to Jack he watched him seesawing Katie on his lap to the rhythm of the music. The girl had her hands in Jack's and they were clapping along, big smiles on their faces. To see his family so full of joy, Ianto didn't think he could be any happier right now. 

On stage Robin and his men had all lined up and were singing the chorus of the song repeatedly. Will had Sam sitting on a sword and the puppet swayed to the music and even opened its mouth so it looked like he would be singing as well. They all took on what Ianto would describe as a "hero stance" when the song ended and the audience applauded loudly when the curtain came down. 

A moment later Friar Tuck came on stage and addressed the audience directly, explaining who he was. 

"Robin thinks, I'm a Friar because I fry things," he told the audience and had them cracking up. "But that's of course silly. I like the finer art of cooking. In fact I like it so much, I actually composed a song for my new recipe." And with having said that, Tuck started to sing, a song which Ianto recognized as the aria "Nessun Dorma" from the opera "Turandot". Only the lyrics appeared to have changed a bit and it was actually a recipe for chicken curry now. 

Ianto chuckled and shook his head, only in a Panto. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the solemn rhythm of the aria until he felt a tug on his sleeve. When he opened his eyes, he found Josh looking up at him 

"What's up squirt?" 

"That man is spitting." Josh glanced sheepishly at Tuck and Ianto had to bite the inside of his cheek when he saw that the actor was in fact gracing the orchestra pit with a light rain of his spit. 

"It's because he is singing very articulate, Josh. A few actors do this to have a perfect diction so everyone will understand what they are saying." 

"I'm just glad, we're sitting far enough away," Josh stated, but seemed to be satisfied with his Tad's explanation. His attention was caught by Robin and his men anyway, who were running on stage when the aria had ended and the audience applauded the actor for doing a great job. 

"Hey Tuck, when is dinner?" Robin shouted happily and gave Tuck a friendly slap on the back. "We just had a little row with the Sheriff and now we're hungry!" 

Again, Ianto had the same feeling about Robin being a lot like Jack. It was not on a rare occasion that the Captain would burst through the door and ask Ianto the exact same thing. But to be fair, on as many days Jack would have dinner ready when Ianto was the one coming home late. 

On stage, Robin and his men were just running off again, everyone giving Tuck a slap on the back, leaving the older man looking after them, while he muttered under his breath. 

As soon as they were gone, Will walked on stage, carrying a cot. 

"Hi team!" Grinning broadly when he got his response, Will stepped to Tuck, who was eying the cot. 

"What's that?" 

"I found it in the forest, it's a little baby boy." There was whining coming out of the carry-cot and Tuck and Will looked into it. 

"Poor thing.” 

When Will motioned to put the cot on the ground the whining got louder, stopping when he pulled the cot up again. The audience started to giggle when the whining changed in pitch depending on where Will put the cot on the ground and pulled it up again. Exchanging a glance with Tuck, Will put it finally on the ground and cooed over it. 

"Hey, it's okay." 

"It's not!" The answer coming from the cot clearly shocked Will and Tuck in equal measure, as they both took a step back, and had the audience crack up. Jack grinned at Ianto, realizing that this was yet another one of Will's talking puppets. 

Frowning at Tuck, Will ventured forward again and bent over the cot. "It's really okay, just shush." 

"You shush!" 

While the audience was now laughing out loud, Will shared another look with Tuck, who shrugged. Squatting down next to the carry-cot, he tended to the baby and pulled the blanket away. He lifted the baby from the cot, accompanied by protestant whining. When Will straightened up again, the baby shook its head to get rid of the hood and the dummy in its mouth and looked around excitedly. 

"Ohhhhh. What's that?" 

"What?" Will looked at the baby and smiled. 

"That!" 

"What?" 

"That!" 

"Well, that's the audience, Robin's team." 

"Ohhhh, Robin's team." 

Ianto was thoroughly impressed again; Will was changing voices between himself and the puppet so quickly that there was no way of telling that it wasn't the puppet itself talking. 

Tuck was grinning from ear to ear while he watched Will with the baby and stepped closer now. The baby however had espied something more interesting in the audience. 

"Ohhh, look at the size of that ladies boobies!" 

"Yeah, are you thinking the same thing as me?" Will chuckled. 

"Yeeeeaahh, dinner!" Waggling its head the baby giggled and had the audience in stitches. 

Jack roared with laughter, Katie still on his lap. The little girl was laughing heartily as well, even though Ianto was sure, she didn't get the joke. He noted however that Josh was staring at the baby intently. Stretching his arm out, he rubbed gently over the small back of his little boy. 

"Hey squirt, you okay?" 

"Tad, the baby is talking, but it's a puppet." Josh frowned at Ianto. "Do Katie's dolls talk as well?" 

"No Josh, they don't. Will does all the talking; I'll explain it to you in the interval, okay?" 

"Okay." Josh turned back to the stage, but was still staring at the puppet, a frown on his face. 

On stage, the baby just announced it wanted to do a rhyme about Teletubbies. 

"About the Teletubbies?" Will asked and grinned. 

Tuck, who was now standing next to Will, had his hand under the baby's bottom and now fingered the little Teletubbie that was attached to the baby's hand. "And you have one here, who is it?" 

"It's Po," the baby answered and turned to look at Tuck. 

"And what are the Teletubbies saying?" Will asked. 

"Uh-oooh," the baby replied immediately. 

"Hm, actually it's eh-oh," Will corrected. 

"Uh-oooh." 

"No, I've seen them; they say eh-oh." 

"Uh-oooh." 

"Why do you keep saying uh-ooh?" 

The baby leaned closer to Will and whispered in a conspiring voice: "Because I've done poo-poo." 

The audience burst out in laughter at this, while Will put his hand over his face and chuckled before looking again at the baby. 

"Have you really?" 

"Yeeeaahhhhh." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeeeeahhhhh." 

"You mean in front of all these people and you've done a poo-poo?" Giving the baby a sceptical glance, Will grinned, when the baby started to look around, regarding the audience for a moment, before turning back to Will. 

"Yeeeeeaaaahhhh." 

Looking now even more sceptical at the baby, Will raised his eyebrow. "You haven't, have you?" 

"Nooo." Now giggling the baby joined the audience in laughter until it suddenly hiccupped. 

"Pardon?" Looking at the baby, Will chuckled when it managed to get out a 'Nothing' before it hiccupped again. 

"You've got a hiccup." 

"What is it?" Another hiccup followed. 

"A hiccup." 

"I don't like it." The baby seemed very distressed and proved it with another hiccup. "Make it go." 

"Okay, okay. I will." 

"Thank you." And another hiccup. 

The audience was howling in laughter again, when Will looked at the baby, while another hiccup made the little body jump up on Tuck's hand, who was grinning as well. 

Will's sudden "BOO!" not only shocked the baby, but Josh and Katie jerked as well and it had the whole audience quiet for a moment, long enough for the baby to look around uncomfortably before uttering another "Uh-ooh." That cracked everybody up again, while Tuck pulled his hand away with a slightly disgusted look. 

"The baby made poo-poo again, daddy," Katie giggled and pointed at the stage. Jack laughed only louder and hugged his daughter close. 

Even Josh had stopped eying the baby warily for a moment to join in the laughter, but when the puppet now looked at him, the laughter died in his throat and the frown came back. 

"Look," the baby croaked out to get the attention back. 

"What?" Will asked, now the baby on his arm, as Tuck had stepped away to a safe distance. 

"That boy, he is staring at me." 

Will was looking at Josh now as well, and Ianto saw his little boy widening his eyes. 

"But I bet he can't do this!" The baby exclaimed and rotated its head once. This however caused Josh to yelp and clamber on Ianto's lap, hiding his face in his father's chest. The rest of the audience was howling in laughter, not realizing that the mentioned boy was now clinging to his Tad. 

Ianto smiled reassuringly at Will, who was now looking worriedly at Josh. But there was no time for him to dwell on the frightened little boy as Lady Marian was escorted by Little John on to the stage, followed by four other girls. 

"Hey baby, it's okay. The puppet is not alive. Will is doing all the talking, remember?" Ianto rubbed soothingly over Josh's back and luckily the boy quickly sat up again and looked back at the stage, obviously trusting his Tad to tell the truth. But he didn't return to his own seat, only pulled Ianto's arms around him and leaned back against his father's chest. 

The baby was just eying Lady Marian from top to bottom, while she cooed over him. 

"Where did you come from?" Marian asked. 

"I found him in the forest," Will reported proudly. 

“You’re pretty,” the baby stated and showed its toothless grin

"Aren't you a cute little boy." Stepping even closer to the baby, Marian was a little bit offended when it burped loudly at her. 

"Maybe you should take him back to the castle; the forest is no place for a baby," Tuck said, smiling at the woman. 

"I don't want to go to the castle. I want to be one of the Merry Men!" The baby exclaimed but got shushed immediately by Will. 

Ignoring the baby for the moment, Marian looked at Will. "I have come to warn Robin. Can you take me to him?" 

"Of course!" Smiling winningly at the woman, Will turned around and pointed at the curtain, which was just lifted to reveal the outlaw’s camp. “Here we are!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to be as accurate as possible with the panto, but I'm afraid I had to do a bit of re-ordering of scenes cause I couldn't remember the exact order anymore :) I took a bit of a liberty with the dialogue of the Panto as well... Don't sue me :P
> 
> I added a few pictures to give you a better impression of the panto. Please ignore the fact that Robin looks like Jack for some unknown reasons :P The pictures are courtesy of the wonderful absdax who allowed me to use them (thank you hun!) and the Hippodrome's official site.

As soon as the curtain was lifted, the lights went up and revealed Robin's camp. Everybody shouted hello to the newcomers and Robin walked up to Marian and gave her a kiss on the hand. 

"How did you get here?" Robin asked and stood proudly, hands on his hips. 

"I walked!" Marian's dry reply had the audience chuckling and Ianto glanced over to Jack. It was the same kind of question Jack would ask him sometimes, bloody obvious. 

"Well, welcome to our camp!" Robin didn't seem to pick up on the sarcastic tone, but stepped away from her and made an overall gesture with his hands. "Let me introduce you to my men." When Robin started shouting out names the respective man waved at Marian and presented her with a silly albeit a little smitten smile. "This is Little John and over there we have Alan A. Dale, Wally of Wolverhampton and Tom the Cobbler. Back there we have our youngest member, Mutch the miller's son." 

Everybody laughed when Mutch jumped to the foreground and took a bow in front of Lady Marian. Robin had crossed the stage and put his arm around Tuck's shoulders, pulling him close. "And this is our dear Friar Tuck." 

Marian smiled when Tuck blushed a little bit. Robin patted the older man on the back and stepped away a bit, pointing to a young man on the left side. "Over there, we have Achew..." 

"Bless you!" Katie, the always well-mannered little Harkness-Jones girl, blurted out and had everyone laughing. Robin who had been interrupted in his speech looked down at her and grinned, making her now a very happy little girl with giving her his attention. But to his credit he didn't let himself be put out by the interruption. 

"Exactly, young lady. During his christening when the water was dripped over his head and the priest was about to announce his name, he had to sneeze and it came out like: So you will carry the name ACHEW! And it kind of stuck." When the laughter over the explanation died out again Robin turned back to Marian and pointed to her right side, 

"And the young man next to you is Will Scarlett." But of course there was no introduction necessary anymore as was demonstrated by both Will and Marian who replied in a perfect chorus. 

"We've met!" Looking at each other, both started to chuckle and Will luckily missed the annoyed expression on Robin's face. 

Oh, it seems, someone is jealous up there, Ianto thought and smiled inwardly. The resemblance between Jack and Robin got weirder by the second. 

"Robin, I came here to warn you," Marian stepped forward, obviously seeing the introduction round as finished. "The Sheriff wants to catch you and he threatened to fell every tree in the forest if necessary." 

"Ah, let him come. We will fight him," Robin proudly announced and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

"Oh really?" Marian asked and rolled her eyes. 

"Yes!" Mutch shouted and jumped forward, presenting her his sword. "With these." 

Marian squeaked startled, but took the sword from the young man. "With these?" 

Ianto's eyes darted to Robin who was positively gloating right now. But something told him that Robin would learn a lesson in a moment. 

"Yes, Lady Marian.” Robin took the sword out of her hands and made a show out of presenting it to her. “This is a sword." Putting emphasis on the word sword, it sounded as if Robin was talking to a retard. Ianto could see how Marian's jaw clenched and she frowned for a moment before a sugar-sweet smile blossomed on her face and Ianto knew Robin was screwed. 

"A sword?" Marian asked for clarification, taking the sword back from Robin. 

"Yes, a sword. And it is really dangerous." Grinning like a fool, Robin looked at his men who were laughing with him. "It's really sharp. You should be careful." 

"So you mean, I shouldn't do this?" Still smiling sweetly, Marian stepped back and swung the sword in a perfect manner, having a murmur run through the audience and a few women whistle encouragingly, while Robin was still deciding between looking impressed or smug. In the end he settled for smug and Ianto felt sorry for him. 

"Now, be careful Lady Marian," Robin mocked and pulled his own sword. "I don't want for you to get hurt." 

"Oh, don't worry about me." Holding her sword up, Marian took up a fighting stance and smiled at Robin challenging. 

Ianto felt Josh sit up on his lap and smiled when his boy stared at the stage, captivated by the scene in front of him. A glance to his right showed him Katie and Jack were just as engrossed. 

Onstage Robin and Marian advanced simultaneously and dodged each other’s blows with the swords skilfully. It wasn't really a serious fight, but Marian was not about to let Robin get out of this easily. Dodging another blow she managed to get behind him and slapped the flat side of her sword on Robin's buttocks. The move was accompanied from loud cheers by the female part of the audience, while Robin jumped forward and rubbed a hand over his butt. 

Taking their fighting stances again, round two started and this time it looked as if Marian would lose when Robin managed to grab her and put her in a lose headlock. But he apparently hadn't counted on Marian's creativity as she lifted her sword between his legs and pressed it against his most guarded part, having him squeak out rather unmanly. 

Ianto laughed out loud when he saw Jack wincing in sympathy, but his lover seemed to be the only one who was sympathizing with Robin as the rest of the audience, well the female half at least, was cheering loudly now and not letting Robin get out of his miserable position that easily. Marian just grinned triumphantly while the cheering got even louder. It was only when Robin turned to the audience and stuck his tongue out that everyone burst out laughing again and he could untangle himself from the unpleasant metal between his legs. 

"I want a sword, daddy!" Katie piped up and turned around to look at Jack. "I want to fight like Marian." 

With a pained smile, Jack ruffled through his daughter's hair, hoping to get her attention off of swords as quickly as possible. "We will see about that, sweetie. Normally the princess doesn't have a sword but a loyal knight who fights for her so she doesn't get her dress dirty." 

"I don't care about dirty dresses; I want to fight like Marian!" Katie put her stubborn face on, the one Jack could rarely resist. The Captain felt his resolve crumble and he sent his partner a desperate glance. 

Ianto chuckled and shook his head. "Oh no, don't look at me! I have a brave knight here, you deal with the princess." Pulling Josh close to his chest, the Welshman grinned smugly at his lover but was soon pushed back by his son who was bouncing up and down on his lap when the music started again. Onstage the actors started another song and danced a routine to it. Even Katie seemed to have forgotten her sword fighting project for now and was clapping happily along, much to the relief of her daddy who used the moment to shoot daggers at his lover. 

Ianto had a hard time suppressing his smile. He was well aware of Jack staring at him, but he had no intention of coming to his lover's aid when Katie remembered the swords again. It might be a little cruel but Jack deserved to be in the focus of one of Katie's tantrums for once. Having at least a hundred humiliating public tantrums of his daughter under his belt, Ianto felt it was time for Jack to learn to deal with them as well. And not by giving in, he would at least make sure of that. 

Deciding to leave it for now, Ianto concentrated back on the stage where the song was coming to an end and the cast showed another hero stance with Will lifted up on the shoulders of two other men. 

When the cheering of the audience died out, Marian announced that she had to leave and she advised Robin and his men to be very careful again. When she turned to leave Will managed again to draw the attention to himself when he walked across the stage with the cot in his hand bopping it up and down while making funny noises. Handing the cot over to Marian, they both smiled at each other, while Robin looked slightly startled. 

"I will take good care of the boy," Marian promised and finally turned to leave the stage followed by her maidens. 

Will just stared after her, a blissed out look on his face and murmured: "I think I'm in love." 

Robin took that moment to embrace him tightly from behind in a rather intimate gesture in Ianto's eyes that sent a warm rush through his body for a moment or two before Robin let go of Will again. "What a woman!" Turning to his men, he stemmed his hands on his hips. "Time to go to bed now, it will be a hard day tomorrow." 

"Oh, I can't sleep now Robin, I'm way too awake!" Little John complained, a rather smitten smile on his face, while he still stared in the direction the women had disappeared in. 

"Come on John, you can dream about them," Robin encouraged his man and patted him on the back. 

"Believe me, I will." Grinning happily, Little John flopped down besides a tree and closed his eyes with a smile. The rest of the merry men followed his example curling up all around the camp; Will even pulled Sam's security blanket over himself. 

Robin made sure to stop by everyone to wish them a good night and Ianto felt himself strangely reminded of an old TV show. 

"Good night, John." 

"Good night, Mutch." 

"Good night, Robin." 

"Good night, Alan." 

"Good night, Simon." 

"Good night, Tom." 

“Good night, John." 

Robin ended his round at Will’s “bed”, pulling the blanket tightly around the man on the ground. "Good night, Will." Stepping to the middle of the stage, he looked proudly around his camp until Will got the laughter on his side once again with his loud: "Good night, John-boy."

Ianto was still giggling when the curtain came down and the Sheriff walked onstage, but he quickly changed to loud booing, encouraging Josh to do the same. Although he had to say, he rather liked the actor, it was still custom to boo at the bad guy.

And the actor seemed very at ease with it as he was always waved the noise aside and went on with his dialogue as if nothing had happened. 

A moment later, Marian walked onto the stage and the Sheriff smiled evilly. 

“Lady Marian, nice for you to join me. You could explain to me where you were in the last hours. I believe I had restricted you to your chambers but you seemed to have found a way out anyway.” Still smiling the Sheriff strolled over to Marian who was looking furiously at him. “I had word you went into the forest.”

“Sheriff, you have no right to treat me like this. I am under the King’s protection and…”

“But the King is not here, my dear.”

“Robin will put a stop to your doings, I have warned him!” Pulling herself up to her full height, Marian glared at the Sheriff.

“I figured that, but it doesn’t matter. We will find him.”

Ianto felt Josh shudder on his lap so he pulled the small body closely to his chest. “Don’t worry, buddy. I’m sure Robin will find a way to escape the Sheriff and his men.” Whispering encouragingly into the boy’s ear, he felt Josh relax a little, but the stubby hands gripped his arm and held on tightly. Ianto smiled, his son was completely engrossed in the story, just like he had been when he was young. Hugging Josh even closer, he was just happy to have the opportunity himself to go and see a Panto with his kids. This was something every kid should experience with their parents. 

Onstage two guards joined the Sheriff and Marian and grabbed the woman after a sign from the Sheriff.

“Take her to the dungeon so she can think about what she has done.” Watching when the guards dragged a struggling and shouting Marian off the stage, the Sheriff ignored the loud booing of the audience.

“You evil man!” Katie shouted on top of her lungs but shrunk back against Jack’s chest when the Sheriff turned to her and grinned. 

“Thank you again, little lady.” Making his way off the stage, the Sheriff took down the stairs into the auditorium this time, chiding the man who sat right next to the stairs to take his feet away or he would chop them off. 

Ianto chuckled when the young man quickly pulled his feet back to give the Sheriff as much room as possible. The actor was really good at appearing all threateningly. 

“Daddy, that man is mean! Tell him it’s a bad thing to be mean!” Katie had turned on Jack’s lap and looked at her father reproachfully. “You always say being mean is bad.”

“True sweetie, it’s bad. But I think Robin will take care of him, just wait and see.” Smiling at the young face, Jack brushed a few strands of hair from Katie’s forehead and pressed a kiss to it. “I’m sure everything will be okay in the end.”

Katie looked at her father for a moment, but seemed to be satisfied for the time being so she turned back and watched as the curtain rose once again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to be as accurate as possible with the panto, but I'm afraid I had to do a bit of re-ordering of scenes cause I couldn't remember the exact order anymore :) I took a bit of a liberty with the dialogue of the Panto as well... Don't sue me :P
> 
> I added a few pictures to give you a better impression of the panto. Please ignore the fact that Robin looks like Jack for some unknown reasons :P The pictures are courtesy of the wonderful absdax who allowed me to use them (thank you hun!) and the Hippodrome's official site.

On stage the curtain was lifted again to reveal Robin's camp. The night seemed to be over, because Ianto watched the men on stage happily milling about but mainly standing in a circle around the fireplace. They were all watching Friar Tuck who was busily stirring something in a pot over the fire. 

"Come on Tuck, we're hungry!" Robin complained and nudged the older man. 

"Despite what you might think, this is no fast food restaurant. Good food takes time to prepare," Tuck chided him, never even lifting his gaze from the pot. 

"That's what I always tell your daddy," Ianto whispered in Josh's ear and had the boy giggling. 

"What was that?" 

"Josh and I were just discussing food," Ianto smiled smugly at Jack, who was looking rather indignantly at him. 

"Good food needs time," Josh felt compelled to add with all the wisdom of a four years old. 

"I like fast food," Katie now joined the discussion as well. 

"Daughter like father." 

"Hey, I remember a time when I had to remind you to eat vegetables and not live on coffee and pizza alone."

That had been eight years ago. Both men fell silent at that and just looked at each other, knowing the other was thinking the same. They had come a long way from then and the best part of that way was currently sitting on their laps. 

"Robin, the Sheriff has caught Marian and put her in the dungeon!" Little John's loud voice suddenly brought their attention back to the stage and they watched the rather tall man sprint to the makeshift fireplace. 

"What?" Robin was stepping forward and caught Little John by the shoulders, stopping the panting man. "How do you know?" 

"One of the maids told me." 

"We have to get her out!" 

"Robin you can't go in there, the Sheriff is looking for you," Will stepped forward and looked worriedly at his friend. 

"Maybe this will help us!" Mutch shouted and held up an oversized newspaper that the audience chuckled at. 

Robin and the rest of the men were quickly running over to him to study the newspaper. 

"Nottingham Castle, help wanted," Robin read out loud. "Please contact us with name and a dress." Smiling brightly at his men, Robin rubbed his hands together. "That's it; we can have a spy in the castle, who can look out for Lady Marian at the same time. Alright, we will need a volunteer. Line up." 

Sudden chaos ensued after that command was given while the Merry Men tried to form a proper line. Succeeding eventually, they looked straight ahead and waited for the next order.

"Now, will the man who feels brave enough for this job make one step forward?" Robin asked loudly while looking at his men, arms crossed in front of his chest.

The audience suddenly lost it when all but one of the men made one step backwards instead, leaving Friar Tuck in the front row, blissfully unaware of the fact he had just volunteered himself. He had his eyes clenched shut and his hands folded as if in a silent prayer until Robin shouted out his name. 

"Tuck! Thank you for volunteering!" 

"What?!" Now looking frantically around, Tuck realized that the rest of the Merry Men were standing behind him and now clapping joyfully. "Oh, you pack of brats..." 

"Now, we only need to find a nice dress for you," Robin announced and grinned. 

"What? Dress? Wait... no no no no! The ad said name and address! Not A DRESS!" Tuck tried to explain desperately but was already ushered backwards by Robin's men who surrounded him to 'help' him come up with a proper costume. 

Robin waved Achew over. "Do you think you can dress him up?" 

Making rather camp motions with his hands, Achew nodded enthusiastically and bounced up and down a few times. "Of course, I always wanted to be a dress designer." Turning around, he hobbled over to the group of men and jumped right into it. 

There was quite a bit of bickering to hear from Tuck, but Robin chose to ignore it. 

Ianto was having a hard time to keep himself from laughing helplessly. He knew what would come next and he wanted to see Jack's reaction. 

He didn't have to wait long. Will was just laying the last touch on Friar Tuck's appearance when he fetched Sam's security blanket and disappeared into the group of men around the old monk. A moment later they all jumped aside with a loud TADA, revealing a rather interesting looking Friar Tuck. 

One look at Jack and Ianto couldn't hold it anymore. He burst out laughing right with the rest of the audience, clinging to Josh who was also giggling madly. 

Jack's face was priceless, he stared open mouthed at Friar Tuck, his arms unconsciously holding Katie on his lap who was also laughing so hard she almost toppled over. 

Tuck was dressed up with a curly, blonde wig and Sam's blanket around his neck like a shawl. He was actually wearing red lipstick, albeit sloppily applied and two small baskets were secured to his chest like a bra. However, the best thing was the new arrangement of his frock. They had pushed it up to his thighs and fastened it somehow so it looked like a miniskirt and revealed his skinny legs. 

When the first wolf whistles came from the audience, Tuck looked a little peeved, especially when the Merry Men around him started to laugh uncontrollably as well. 

"You look beautiful," Robin snickered, not the least fazed by the glare he received from Tuck. 

It took another moment for the laughter to die down, but when it did, Jack chose that moment to snap out of his daze and exclaimed rather loudly and with a stunned voice: "It's the woman from the poster!" 

Ianto thought he was going to die, he was laughing so hard now he barely managed to catch the occasional breath. The rest of the people sitting around them, who had heard Jack as well, were crying with laughter while Tuck shifted his glare from Robin to Jack. 

"Yes, very good observational skills, Jack!" Tuck practically spat the last word out, sending the audience into another laughing fit. 

Almost slipping off his seat, Ianto's face was covered in tears, his arms tightly wrapped around Josh. When he risked a side glance towards Jack and was confronted with the now familiar indignant stare combined with lightly flushed cheeks, Ianto feared the end was near. He couldn't remember having ever laughed so hard and it didn't help when Tuck announced that he would leave now to keep his last shred of dignity intact, showing off his bum covered in knickers with red hearts while walking off the stage.

It took the audience a while to recover from the laughing fit so no one really heard what Robin was shouting at his men. But they all ran off stage a minute later, scattering in every direction while the curtain came down again. 

Ianto was wiping the tears from his cheeks when he heard a whispered “you could have told me that!” from Jack. Almost toppling over again with laughter, he managed to choke it back and look at his partner. Jack still had that indignant expression on his face and was ignoring all the laughing people around him, including the giggling girl on his lap.

“Oh come on Jack, it wouldn’t have been half as good when you had known beforehand,” Ianto chuckled and gave Jack his most disarming smile.

Finally relenting, Jack smiled back. “Probably, but you will pay for it tonight.”

“Can’t wait.” Raising his eyebrows and licking over his bottom lip, Ianto’s expression changed from silly to seductive back to smiling again, when he saw Jack shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“Brat!”

“Dad, sshhhh!” Katie slapped Jack lightly on the arm and looked sternly at her fathers before turning back around.

The Sheriff had just walked in through the door he had left earlier, but this time he was dragging Lady Marian with him and up the stairs onto the stage. Instantly the whole audience was loudly expressing their disapproval but the Sheriff waved unimpressed at the booing masses. 

Pulling the struggling woman close to him, he laughed evilly.

“I figured it would be better to put you away until I can find Robin so I asked a dear friend of mine for help. Please welcome Casandra!” Holding his arm out in a showing gesture it was the cue for the curtain to rise up again, while at the same moment pyrotechnics went off at the other side of the stage.

The audience gasped startled and Ianto pulled Josh close when the boy winced on his lap.

“It’s okay, it’s just fireworks. Like we saw on New Year’s Eve, remember?” Glancing over at Jack and Katie, Ianto saw that Jack had to comfort the little girl as well who hid her face in her father’s chest. Luckily, both kids recovered quickly when a black woman in a sparkling costume stepped out of the smoke.

“You called for me, Sheriff?” She spoke in a deep voice and walked slowly over to where Marian was still in the Sheriff’s grasp.

“You are a witch!” The young woman exclaimed scared and started struggling again to get away from the Sheriff and Casandra.

Tightening the grip on her arms, but otherwise ignoring her, the Sheriff smiled happily.

“Yes, I need your help to keep this woman out of the way. And I need your help to find a dangerous man in the woods.”

“Robin is not dangerous!” Marian exclaimed but received a sharp ‘shut up’ from the Sheriff.

“I see. To help you find that dangerous man, I will give you something from the future, it will keep you save and be your loyal servant. I give you Titan!” She was almost shouting the name and shortly after that, loud footsteps echoed through the theatre and a very tall and intimidating looking robot walked on stage.

“Wow,” Josh blinked a few times and stared at the silver metal man with his mouth wide open. “It’s a robot!” Turning excitedly around to look at his father, he pointed at the stage at the same time. “Tad, it’s a robot! A real robot!”

“Yes, squirt. Do you like him?”

“He’s cool! But I won’t like him when he is one of the bad people.” Turning his gaze back to the stage, Josh watched fascinated as the robot walked over to the Sheriff. 

Marian looked terrified and tried to stay as far away from the metal creature as she could.

“Daddy, will that robot man hurt Marian?” Katie asked Jack in a rather scared sounding voice, one of her hands tightly clasping the fabric of Jack’s shirt.

“I don’t think so, sweetie. Robin will have to say something about that.” Trying to console his little girl, Jack rubbed gently over her leg, shooting an unsure look at Ianto.

“I have a feeling, Titan will not be one of the bad people in the end,” Ianto whispered, trying to assure not only Josh and Katie but Jack as well. He was fairly sure that the robot would be evil in the beginning but turn around in the end as it was a far too fascinating creature for the audience not to like him.

“You are insane! This is witchcraft!” Marian kept struggling while Titan’s blue glowing eyes were trained on her.

“Yes, it is witchcraft, young lassie. And with witchcraft I will make you disappear!” Casandra indicated the Sheriff to push Marian to the middle of the stage and waved once with her hand when the young woman stumbled towards her. The effect was immediate. Marian straightened up, an empty look in her eyes, and stood completely still. Then music started to play and Casandra started to sing what was supposedly a spell to make Marian disappear while waving her arms around expressively. Her moves obviously conjured up a group of young men, clothed in black costumes and masks, as they entered the stage from both sides. Starting to dance around, while pushing a table onto the stage, two of them made their way towards Marian.

When the two men grabbed Marian - one under her shoulders, one her ankles - and lifted her up, the young woman had tensed up so strongly, it was as if they had put her on a board. They carried her over to the table and spread a large, dark-blue cloth over her body.

While the dancers whirled around them and Casandra belted out her spell, Titan and the Sheriff were standing to the side, observing closely. The Sheriff watched with a slightly mad glee but couldn’t completely shed the tad scared expression from his eyes.

Ianto took the whole scene in and thought it was fantastically orchestrated, but he worried how the twins would take it all in. Tearing his gaze away from the stage to glance at the small boy sitting on his lap, he smiled. Josh was completely engrossed in the activity on stage and watched with big eyes as the two men lifted Marian from the table. The boy’s hands were tightly gripping Ianto’s arm, but there was no sign of discomfort or fear, so Ianto thought it would be okay. After a side glance at Katie to reassure himself the girl was alright as well, he looked back up to the stage in time to see the two men carry the cloth covered body of Lady Marian back to the front of the stage. 

The cloth was hanging down, but the woman’s features were still clearly to make out as she was stretched out between them as if still on the table, only held at her head and feet. They turned in a circle so the audience could see that there was nothing behind them and with the last note of the song, they suddenly pushed the cloth together between them before one of them pulled it away and revealed – nothing.

The audience gasped in astonishment when they realized that Lady Marian had disappeared and then loud cheering replaced the short moment of shocked silence.

“Where did she go? Daddy, where is Lady Marian?” Katie’s voice was distressed and she didn’t really understand why everyone was clapping and cheering.

“It’s only a trick, sweetie, Lady Marian is not really gone.”

“But where is she? Will she be okay?”

“I’m sure she will be okay. Casandra did a little bit of magic and made Marian disappear, but I’m positive, she will bring her back. Don’t worry.”

“Okay…”

Ianto smiled at Jack. Their little girl didn’t sound convinced, but how could they explain to her that it was only an illusion?

“What do you think, squirt? Where did Marian go?” Ianto poked Josh gently in the belly and had the boy chuckling.

“I don’t know, but Robin will get her back!” The complete trust in the boy’s voice surprised Ianto a bit, but he smiled. Better to have Josh trust in Robin’s abilities to get the princess back as to have the boy being frightened for the rest of the play.

In the meantime the group of men had danced off the stage with Titan following them while the curtain came down, leaving only the Sheriff and Casandra behind.

He thanked her for her help and watched when another small grouping of fireworks went off and the witch disappeared into the smoke.

Now the only one left on stage, the audience finally found their voices back and loudly uttered their displeasure of his latest scheme. 

“Oh, complain as long as you will. With Titan at my side, Robin will have no chance but to surrender.” Giving another one of his evil laughs, the Sheriff left the stage once more by walking down the steps to the auditorium, again chiding the man sitting there to put his feet somewhere else.

Despite knowing that a Panto always had a happy ending, a shiver was running down Ianto’s spine. The actor playing the Sheriff was really good and convincing in playing the bad guy.

“Robin will win!” Josh muttered and crossed his arms in front of his chest while leaning back in his Tad’s embrace.

“I’m sure he will, bear.” After pressing a kiss to Josh’s head, Ianto leaned his cheek on the soft hair and looked at Jack who had pulled Katie close as well. “I am sure he will,” he whispered again and received a loving smile from his partner.

TBC


End file.
